why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
