Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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