i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
