yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
