I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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