you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
