I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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