Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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