you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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