Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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