he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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