Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
