And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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