Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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