Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
