At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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