I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
