I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
