I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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