I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
