I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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