Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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