i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
