false alarm. still invincible.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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