Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
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Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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