Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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