dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
