mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
