Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
