I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also, beer. Big fan.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
