I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
