I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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