I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
