i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
