I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
