Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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