bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
