I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
