I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
