I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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