just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
