she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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