never play flip cup with pint glasses
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
