Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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