so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
