Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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