I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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