careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
