youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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