She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
