for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
