He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
