whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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