No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
