Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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