The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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