Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize